This is in continuation to the previous articles:
COMMUNICATE WITH CARE (Part-I)

In truth, they are not interested in listening, but they want their partner to listen to them and to take their advice. They do not realize that their partner wants to be heard, not lectured.

Listening is something we all need to relearn. It is really as easy as that. Think about it-God gave us two ears, but one mouth. There is a clear message here. Speak only half as much as you listen. However, we do not always follow this simple rule.

Anyone can become a good listener if he or she genuinely wants to. Do not interrupt when the other person is speaking. Listen carefully and do not pass judgment. This is not easy to do. You will have to make a conscious effort to control your desire to pass comment when the other person is talking. Although it is not easy, it will certainly be worth your while to develop this habit. Do not challenge your partner when you should be listening to him or her. Do not say you understand if you have not fully comprehended what he or she is trying to communicate to you. It may help shorten the conversation but it will not help solve the problem that led to the conversation in the first place. Be a good listener, look for nuances and help promote the well being of your relationship.

Sometimes when a woman is talking, a man thinks that she is seeking a solution. So even before she finishes what she is saying, the man is already offering all kinds of solutions. This is because men have a tendency to regard themselves as problem solvers. Women are different. When they talk, they want the other person to listen; they are not necessarily looking for a solution. They just need to share.

There is a story about a woman who went for a long bike ride with some friends. She was really excited about it because the time it took to complete the second half of the ride was less than the time it took to complete the first half. She came home happy and told her husband about this feat. To which he bluntly replied, The reason you were able to go faster on the way back was because it was downhill. This statement left her devastated. Her achievement had been trivialized and her feelings had been hurt. Yet people do this all the time.

In a relationship, you have to tread with care at all times. A wrong word or a loveless gesture can harm the other persons self-esteem considerably. Look positive, think positive. You have nothing to gain by hurting your partner.

Every situation can be viewed in more than one way. You can look at it the way it appears to everyone else or you can search for hidden gifts. The positive person will follow the latter course. He or she is not unlike the second bricklayer in the following story.

Two bricklayers were asked what they did for a living. The first bricklayer replied, Every day, I place one stupid brick on top of another. The second bricklayers response was totally different. He answered, I am a craftsman. I help build all the beautiful buildings you see around you. Without my contribution, none of this would be here.

Both men are right. But the attitude of the second man is positive, and it reflects in all that he does. He takes pride in his work. He is passionate about what he does. He does not mock his chosen profession. He accepts willingly what he has to do. Now compare this to your relationship. Are you the first bricklayer or the second? In other words, are you the one who looks for good points or are you the one who is mechanical about the way your life is progressing?