This is in continuation to the previous articles:
COMMUNICATE WITH CARE (Part-I), COMMUNICATE WITH CARE (Part-II)

Have a positive mindset about your partner. Look at the good points, stop searching for the weaknesses. Forget about dwelling on the wrongs in the relationship, focus instead on what is right. This involves some very earnest thinking-habits have to be developed that will see you through the tough times.

Whatever you do, do not judge your partner by what he or she is not doing correctly. Instead, prepare a mental reference list of all the positive points of both your partner and your relationship. Whenever you feel the relationship is weakening, or you are in doubt about its direction, refer to this list.  Remember that there is no place for judgment in any long-term relationship. This, of course, is difficult since most of us are prone to making judgments and compartmentalizing others. Therefore, we have to make every conscious effort to remember not to pass judgment.

It is not what you say. Often it is what you do not say that makes the difference. So it is worthwhile studying your partners body language and facial expressions. People speak not only from their mouth, but also through their whole body. If you take the time to observe every body movement and expression, you can tell what he or she feels and what he or she is trying to say. So keep your eyes and your heart open to what your partner is saying non-verbally.

In ancient times. Spiritual masters used to gather their disciples and tell them to sit outside in the open. Close their eyes and listen. Emphasis was placed on listening. They were told to listen out for whatever the universe was telling them. After a period of time. The disciples were asked by their master to narrate what they had heard. The sounds that they had heard had to be expressed in exactly the same Manner.

This is an exercise that you can do at home with your partner. Put aside some time for listening every week. Sit down and tell your partner that you will listen to him or her. Then let him or her talk for 30 minutes. You do not have to offer solutions; you do not even have to respond. You just have to actively listen. Listen with your whole body. Be totally and deeply into your listening. And after your listening time is over, reverse roles. It is now your time to talk, and your partners turn to listen. Repeat whatever your partner told you in those 30 minutes. In so doing, it will show how aware you have been while listening.

By now you will have realized the difference between listening and listening in awareness. The latter is what helps you cement a relationship. After all, we all like to be heard. When we talk, we are expressing our views, our feelings, and ourselves. To be ignored at the point when we are expressing something from within us is almost like a slap in the face.

Good communication requires a good listener but it also requires a good talker. Speak with care, weigh your words. Do not deliberately hurt your partner. There is no need to air grievances or bring up past quarrels. Just articulate thoughts that come from your heart with no malice.

Opening your heart, however, makes you vulnerable. And that is a scary thing. In order to prevent this from happening, we build a wall around ourselves. We then lock the door of this wall with a combination lock that cannot be easily cracked. We feel secure that only we know how to open it, hence we feel protected. But over time, we forget the combination number that opens this lock. We have hidden it somewhere in the recesses of our mind and now deliberately choose to forget it. This, however, cannot work in a relationship. Locking yourself in puts an end to all communication with your partner. You are literally walled in and your partner will probably be fighting a losing battle by trying to get you to communicate. It really is a no-win situation. You are not allowing him or her to enter your innermost being. Your partner stays outside while you stay within the wall, all by yourself. All this is contrary to love. Love means you have to open yourself up and become vulnerable.